Try Trying Tried
Try Trying Tried
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Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Ninth - I can't believe that I'm saying this, but yeah, life sucks. O Level is tough. I can't seem to absorb anything the teachers taught since day 1 of school this yr. I've been daydreaming for the past few months, and I am still daydreaming now. Mid-yr is 1 hell week away and I have not started studying. I can't find the motivation. I feel sleepy every single day even if I get 15 hours of sleep the night before. I feel like giving up on everything some times. It's like I'm living in human hell, a jail or being tortured physically. I constantly tell myself that I must do well, I must make my parents proud of me but no, I don't think it will happen now. Because nobody actually know how I feel, nobody. Don't say you know me, because you're not me. Don't say we're in the same boat, because we never will. I feel stuffy. I want to pour everything out, but I can't. I need a ear, a ear that doesn't argue back. Just one that listen, but doesn't talk. One that will not tell me what to do, one that will not tell me to see things in another point of view because right now, I don't have the energy to listen to you reprimand me anymore. I don't know who will get to this space someday and read this, for this is the only one time I've ever posted such stuff openly. But I don't really care now because I cannot tolerate with everything that I am going through at the age of 16. I just hope that someone knows that I'm dying in the inside. I am not trouble-free, I break down at times too. I put up a mask, because I lost trust in people. I tried to be understanding, I really tried. I'm not really sure if I can do this but no matter how I bad I am in my studies, I will not give up. My parents spent money to let me study, then I shall cherish the chance I have. And anyway, I really hate my sister for stalking every fucking thing of mine. In the past, you looked at my messages, invading my privacy, I stopped you. However, I can't stop you from reading my blogs or my friend's blog. But please, respect me. Stop doing all these stuff and fucking get yourself a steady job. How you spend your money, I don't fucking care. But you've spent enough of dad and mum's money. You've wasted their money on your shitty courses and schools. I don't know what is your goal in life but fucking understand that you're 20 this yr. Stop switching jobs like you're switching your boyfriends. Fuck everything. Fuck you. I screwed my life, partly because of particular you. Now, I am going to fix it back. And the mask that I took off 10 minutes ago will be put back on again, now. Posted by Ivylee ♫ @ 21:50
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